I waited 'til I saw the sun

I don't know why I didn't come

I left you by the house of fun

I don't know why I didn't come

I don't know why I didn't come



When I saw the break of day

I wished that I could fly away

Instead of kneeling in the sand

Catching teardrops in my hand



My heart is drenched in wine

But you'll be on my mind

Forever



Out across the endless sea

I would die in ecstasy

But I'll be a bag of bones

Driving down the road alone



My heart is drenched in wine

But you'll be on my mind

Forever



Something has to make you run

I don't know why I didn't come

I feel as empty as a drum

I don't know why I didn't come

I don't know why I didn't come

I don't know why I didn't come

amazzzinnnggggg!!!!!! (: its been a great hols so far! been slacking ard (as usual)... swimming (only thrice so far cos of the stupid rainy days)... cycling.. shopping/window shopping (i dont know why i have nth in mind i want to buy)... eating around.. haha.. meeting up with old friends.. hanging out with my family.. good times are a rolling (: happinesss!! i've been more or less ignoring or rather forgetting abt the comp... my hps.. and just focusing on the 'offline' world for now. and im loving it! (: cant wait for the holidays to come! recently i've amazingly managed to right my body clock! been sleeping ard 7-10pm and waking 7-10am!! haha.. almost too good to be true.. and i actually get annoyed if i slp past 11am. haha! omg. what a turn over eh! bet all who know me will not believe a word im saying about this.. but its true!! im trying not to destroy my wonderful sleeping and waking timings but i have this feeling it wont last much longer :/

first i'd like to share my love with a few people i'd like to thank cos without em i'd nv have gotten thru the sem. (me and my emo periods towards the end that is). not that i went thru v troubled times.. there were many (mostly) happy times and all just that these are the people who were always there for me and just kept me going!! (:

jean : who else but you my dear (: always there for me even tho you're far away. glad we both put in so much effort to keep in touch and knowing (almost) evtg abt each other and being there for each other. you're the best friend i cld ever want and ask for (:

joyce : who else but my wonderful sis who even helped me find my research materials!!! ahaahha (:

kang : always there for me. always there but always late. haha! change the latter wont you (: anyways i think you've grown and matured so so so much. v proud of you. so focused and determined. you make me proud babe! (: i think ur hse is a really good study environment btw.. think del might agree haha

del : who else can i complain and whine to if not you? haha. altho u alws start(or die rather) earlier than me. i'll always rmb our 'damage control' days in jc and the first two years of uni (even tho we're in diff schools) we almost always wind up in similar situations. hahaha. aiyah.. u and kang and jean. old friendships nv die la. (:

shimin : hello my new found friend!! (: you're the sweetest sleepiest (napster) silliest and most caring and innocent friend i have i think! haha. i was just telling jean the other day that i think two of you might hit it off rather well. haha. will tell u more abt it when i meet u tmr!! (: anyways.. you're my new best friend in hall babe!! nothing much i can say here to tell ya how much i appreciate yaaa!! (: cheers to the new sem ahead!! yayy!!

meilin : known each other since our first year in hall but only really truly bonded with you this sem! great times studying worrying stressing eating slacking sporting with you babe!! (: nv thought our friendship cld go as far as it has... its amazing!! you're a wonderful and funny friend and im looking forward to next sem when ping n all are back as well and all of us can hang out tgt!! we must study hard/harder this time!! (: hope ur IA goes well. haha

ping : i miss you hurry back!! its been great msning and emailing you !!! transferring songs all. dont know why christmas always reminds me of you! haha (:


oh my! cant wait for krabi trip to come! apparently its been cut short to 4 days (20-23) due to unforeseen circumstances.. but we're 'replenishing' it with a 2nd trip to somewhere. haha! last i heard my mom was considering bintan or sth. not sure. but either way im still excited! (: must play to my hearts content this hols before the new sem starts cos im gna have to work doubly hard with 6 mods. ughhhh :/ okay lets not think abt school for now...

joyce is back.
shan is back.
jean is NOT back :(

few random thoughts of the day...

1) i really really want to eat seafood!!!
2) how am i going to get my wonderful tan if it keeps raining damn it! (omg i sound like a bimbs)
3) wow this apple is really sour.. ughh
4) all the girls in the PCD contest is really really talented eh..
5) why oh why won't u tell me about it? its saddens me.
6) i really wanna play vball/badm/tennis/squash or anything!!
7) KTV KTV KTV KTV!!!

for once i am at peace (:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)



-ee cummings

It's not far down to paradise
At least it's not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away
And find tranquility
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

It's not far to never never land
No reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy
Of innocence again
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me


Sailing
Takes me away
To where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free


Fantasy
It gets the best of me
When I'm sailing
All caught up in the reverie
Every word is a symphony
Won't you believe me


It's not far back to sanity
At least it's not for me
And when the wind is right you can sail away
And find serenity
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me


Title: Christopher Cross - Sailing lyrics

its been a really long time since i've cared about my blog, combined blogs, facebook, friendster, emails (Sorry ping) and all those nonsense. what keeps me happy is just skyping with jean, hs and del. the 3 very impt (but not the only impt) people in my life. (kang u wld be in this list to if u didnt KEEP MIAING!!!!!!!!!) ever so grateful for em if not ill prolly nv get thru my emo days all. i truly think its amazing how best and good friends can still remain the same and even grow closer despite vast geographical distances. and how some of ur gd frens who are in sg can just grow apart or not see each other for months and months and years and years. i tell ya anyone who gives ya the i-cannot-make-long-distance-friendships-or-relationships-work is bullshit! jean n shan have been all the way in melb for like 4-6 years now and just take a look at us! (of course i understand that diff people diff wants, needs, personality etc etc) im just saying. very very odd. i've been emoing and emoing on and off for the past month. and i really have no idea why. its really qt bad. the kind that u start to ponder about life? and now that the exams are drawing closer and closer.. i guess it sorta makes it worse. but well. as of yesterday i have declared myself a self-proclaimed nerd and focus completely catching up with all my god damn readings which i didnt bother to touch the whole sem. like i said.. once a last min slacker.. always a last min slacker. so i've gotten rid or forced myself to not think about my library allergies and start picking up the slack. i've also decided to screw projects. i've been working way too hard for the projects so far.. not as tho im gna get any bonus points or anything so screw it. its studying for final exam time. i shall put project works at a corner until i can no longer shy from it anymore. just 2 more weeks 2 more horrible weeks to the god damn exams. and this time i hardly have any breaks at all!! my exams will be over in a week! can u blif it!! in 5 days to be exact.. 26-30. how delightful. which means no matter what i die die also must finish studying for it by the 25. GOD DAMN! talk abt unhealthy stress levels. well at least in 2 weeks my sis and shan will be coming back fr melb and i will be -oh crap- very distracted!!!!!! ahh shucks. well hopefully i can work my ass off now so i can spend time with them when they get back cos I DEFINITELY WILL!! somehow. force em to study w me or sth. ahahaha. even tho shan's exams are just over and my sis has alr graduated. LOL. ah screw this im going watch the new south park episode 'guitar queer' now. ahhaa. let me part with a few words or thoughts.

1) if you really go for her. i will be a lil disgusted, speechless but very indifferent as it doesnt concern me. good luck.

2) kang stop miaing!

3) you two still disgust n annoy me.

4) ping i miss u!! sorry for not replying ya email yet. i will soon! (:

5) anyone has more fam guy, simpsons or these kinda stuff to watch?

6) i am currently a phantom in hall. nv thought this day wld come.

7) hall food really really sucks n the survey aint gna change nothing so y bother? what we need is uncle vincent back damn it! when will we ever learn?

8) okay jess stop emoing n procrastinating.. study regardless of whether there are study buddies or u feel like crap or you're really tired or sian. all for the greater good right?

9) stop thinking about what could be and focus on reality woman!

10) why am i becoming an empty lifeless shell in so many ways?

time certainly flies. its the mid term break. and as meilin keeps telling me... the exams are coming! the next thing u know it.. the bloody exams! i was abt to tell her that is most certainly not the case when i realised that almost 2 months just flew by without me even knowing it! bloody hell. some kinda recess break this is.. i spent almost all of it on project work! haha. i know i had alot of time to play ard and go out.. which i did! but still! i nv had it this bad before!!! whats with this semester i wonder.. everything seems to be doublefold and doubletime! -.- anw at least there were fun moments! hahaha (: went out shopping and eating ard twice w lala and cindy.. caught chuck and larry and invasion. C&L's pretty funny i must say! and invasion was not bad.. tho not the ending i expected at all. it was all too easy. i expected it to end sth like resident evil! hahaha. what can i say. great expectations! my only regret for movies are not watching transformers and hairspray. DAMN! hahaha. well at least i watched hairspray online.. the online version of transfomers was icky! doesn't do the original justice one bit! oh yea! before i forget...!!!


HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY KC!!!! (:
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!
WISH U WERE HERE SO I CLD GIVE YOU ONE BIGGGG HUG :/

(shan dont get jealous ah! HAPPY BELATED 21ST TO YOU TOO! I MISS U BOTH REALLY.. HAHA)

the weeks nearly coming to an end. and i stayed home the whole week! amazing! made me realise how much i missed home!! the aircon.. family... great food.. comfort.. everything is just wonderful... ahha only thing is i miss my th neighbours!! (shimin i know u think its u! really want to ah!) haha. but still.. ill see them in like less than 48 hrs. haha. recently been hanging out with my proj mate buddies from cybercrime. very interesting. hahaa. nv bonded so closely with a proj grp before! (excluding cel and cait and all my old buds of course) i've even come to realise that jialian is super funny laaaa! ahahhaa. alws kena bullied by everyone. ahah (: anyway i've come to realise that the more i talk to cindy.. the more i realise how goal orientated she is.. and how i am not. and how practical and real she is. makes me see my future clearer each time. HAAH. funny isnt it. cindy guiding me towards my future. lol. she talks alot of crap.. stuff abt handsome cowboys in her ranch and stuff. ahha! but she does make tons of sense once in many whiles. ahhaa (: love ya babe! whoa! just blogging abt her makes me feel all motivated and driven! perhaps i shall go attempt to study for the first time in a long while! either that or go build up my chinese song base! damn all you purely chi ktv people! hahaha. (:

anyone got an old tamagotchi or digimon that is still workable?
or know where to get one cheap cheap? haha

wow. its already been one month into the school term and i have yet to touch a single bit of reading or lect notes or what not. the only school related thing i've been forced to do so far is project group work. other than that.. nada! this is terrible. i shda known a last min slacker like me couldn't handle taking malay lang.. now im completely lost in tutorial and apparently i have a lang test coming up soon. oh boy! and i can't even su this module!!!! :/ bummer. why do i keep living in ruts.. that i just can't seem to get out of? i really need a study partner or someone who's extremely motivated and influential to influence me or guilt me into studying. anyone up for the job? haha. anyway.. i've finally reached the final phase in my recovery track after a great many weeks. it was soooooooo terribleeeee!! i actually had food phobia.. can anyone imagine MEEEEEEEEEEE having a food phobiaaa?!?!! -.- didnt think so. i was not only fevery, headachey, phlemgy, whole-body-aching, PUKEY, forever nauseous (which is why i didnt dare to eat cos i alws felt like throwing it up aft) and asthmatic. WTF! it was terribleeee!!!! i cldnt slp proper even tho i was lying in bed like 24/7 cos i had to keep blowing my nose.. or sit up cos i was feeling nauseous etc.. it was horrible. now the worst is over and i can start to eat again!! yayyyy! (: going to very quickly gain back whatever weight i lost during those horrible ill days.. hahaa.. but i dont feel sad abt it. anyway.. i haven't really been able to talk to shan or jean or my sis lately.. and i really really miss these 3 people alot. they're one of my closest and bestest friends and i really heart them the most! sad to say since school started i haven't really been able to talk to em either cos im too busy or just cos our timings are damn suey. nonetheless (in case you're reading) i still love you guys many many and we will definitely talk soon okay!! (: hang on despite our never ending piles of homework and all!! we shall thrive to survive!!! ahhaha (: of late, i've been feeling so aimless and misguided. which is making me emo, angsty and very thoughtful (this may not alws be good). sometimes we tend to overthink things... which just makes everything worse. i just pray to god that i'll be more purpose-driven and know what i want to do in the future. its scary to know you're graduating soon but still am not sure what you really want to do in life. it scares me shitless. and im not proud of not knowing at all :/ some guidance perhaps?

wow. i completely forgot abt the existence of my blog. if people didnt remind me.. haha. a whole sem wlda gone by without me typing entries.. haha. anyway tmr or rather in a few hours (as usual) the first day of school would begin.... and boy am i looking forward to it :/ goodbye good ol holidays. i really really enjoyed my holidays this year. and i dont ever want it to end. i dont even miss school at all. haha. unlike some of my dear old friends who are so bored of the hols n cant wait for school to start. dont know why i keep thinking that this is my last 2 sems in hall and in school. and it just makes me so damn sad. i will certainly miss everything and everyone. in one years time it will officially be the end of schooling and hello dreaded work days.. ayyy. been really really really busy at orientation and rag for hall. decided to sign up as a senior attach this year for the hall orientation but i think i ended up doing and putting in the same amount of effort as a councillor last year. how enthu can i get. haha. i shda just signed up as a councillor altho i dont need the points. haha. i dk why this year feels sooooooo different.. maybe i really feel like i have aged.. i can still clique very well with the freshies.. but it just makes me sad to think ill be leaving in a year and saying goodbye to everything. hahaha. i know im whining nonstop abt this but i cant help it. its inevitable but it just all that i can think about now. anyway i like my og alot.. HESSA ROCKS! (: the people in it rock and so far we're still going strong! many scandals in this bonded og but oh well.. what else is new? really dont get why im getting sick and tired of all these scandals as well. makes me think differently of people. which leads to disappointment etc. god damn. i shd just stop thinking altogether shouldnt i? being a tad bit emo girl now since shiping left. meilin's tears were too powerful.. inta end i also teared and welled and teared and spilled all the sadness outta me. its hard losing your really good friends overseas.. i should know. since more than a handful have left me already. we still keep in touch and all but its just sad. even sadder.. it makes me want to go overseas too. why am i stuck in sg while they're all there. HAHAHA. damn! this entry is super emo. ahhaha. okay talk about other stuff now. im back inta super sporting mode. brought in my badm and squash racket!! all ready to do a wide variety of sports and more sports! played vball cum bball with my og the other day n it was so friggin fun! =) the bruises were all worth it! can't wait for our next sporting session! haha. all thanks to snowboarding in skiing in melb that im suddenly inta sporting mood. im even contemplating if i shd bring my blades over to hall. hahaha. anw i cant wait for the holidays to come! apparently im going to krabi near xmas time.. going great barrier reef after i graduate next year!!!! how bloody exciting is that! =) the 2 places i've been dying to go since god knows when! and what better way to go then with your family =) this sem im taking cybercrime, cultural industries, media writing, malay lang (really hope i dont fail this) and entrepreneurial marketing. not sure if i made a very wise decision taking all these modules but its gna be one tough semester ahead for me. and i wont even bother to try telling myself to study harder etc etc.. cz i know im a born slacker and last min studyer and nothings ever gna change that.. i mean the past 21 yrs shd be testimony enough. oh bloody hell! its already 4am and im supposed to meet my og in 4.5 hours for breakfast. -.- once again.. whats new? haha.

IM FINALLY BACK IN SUNNY OH SO HUMID SINGAPORE.. quite sad really. i really really loved melbourne. everytime i go there i want to migrate there. its the place where all my loves are.. where i can be in limbo.. where i get to have so many great experiences and learn so many things. i love the weather.. the winter.. the summer.. the everything.. people culture. amazing.. here are some stuff i did there..

horse riding ( i really nearly died here)
skiing and snowboarding at mt hotham (AWESOME LOVE LOVE LOVE ABSOLUTELY LOVE!! THOROUGHLY ENJOYED MYSELF TO DEATH! HAHA no pun intended..but i did nearly die thr too)
car accident (need i say more)
penguin hunting (i even mastered their calls haha)
eating tons of GREAT food (what can compare.. esp the fredo and gelati oh man!)
FABULOUS SHOPPING!! (they got so much more variety and style there!!)
driving around (it was awesomeeee!!!!!!!!)
mountain climbing at grampians (AWESOME!! DAMN TIRING THO HAHA)
dance and went mad HAHA (the few should know)
ribs buffet at hardrock cafe on bourkes street (THIS WAS AMAZINGGGGGGG!!!!!!)
i became a super huge fan of dips and chips and GUM!!!!! omggggg!
watched harry (extremely disappointing... unfortunately.. think its the worst ever)
fell in love with the chips with salt =)
nonstop grocery shopping! haha
stayed over at jeans and hs's place as well as my sisters of course
fortune telling sessions
SOUTH PARK PINBALL MANIAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS SOOOOO FRIGGIN COOL!! WORTH EVERY PENNY! (they had simpsons, addams family, pirates of the carribean etc too!! )
became a splinter surgeon and hairdresser over night =)

the above descriptions dont do melbourne justice at all.. maybe the pictures would. oh god.. how i wish i could have another month there. my parents are going there in about 2 wks for 14days to visit the GREAT BARRIER REEF with my sister!!!!!! HOW JEALOUS!!!!! why did school have to start so early!! if not i cld go with them. ah well. anyway my mom said maybe early next year we can go again =) =) =) that would be paradise.. anyway now im horribly injured all over... bruises.. sprains... blisters.. whatever u ccan think of.. i am experiencing that now.. because of the ski-board trip. but it was worth every fall =) ahahha! in fact that trip is inspiring me to get 2nd hand roller blades!!! but sg roads or so cycle and blade unfriendly. anyone know a good place to get relatively okay cheap blades? hahaa.. anyway DIE HRAD 4 IS AWESOME!!!! im so glad i caught it with del. ahahhaa im so going to find a way to watch 1 , 2 , and 3 now! =) bruce willis is awesome. ahaha! =)

missing all my loves!

goshhhh!!!! its been only 3 days in melb and already i miss the warm sunshine and just the slightest drop of sweat.. how pathetic is that! lolll.. ahhhhaa anw i've been eating tons of good food and normal food and snacks. ahahahha! and went shopping at direct factory outlet. ahhha walked and walked and walked but surprisingly only ended up buying two items compared to last year.. maybe its cz its winter season and last year i went during the summer so there were more things that i cld buy to wear at home.ahahaha. its a whole diff experience staying here. the last time i came to melb i wanted to migrate here.. but that was summer.. winter its so cold i tink ill just stick to holidays. ahahah!!!! i love the people the weather the everything but only when it doesnt freeze me to death! lol.. i've nv put on so many layers of clothing before.. a spax, a shirt, a long sleeze shirt, then a jacket and maybe an outer warmer jacket if need be. ahahhaha TOTALLY BAD. ahahaha. oh my. anyway the food here is amazinggggg.. the scenaries and views are amazing.. everything is amazing.. the customer service everything! ahhaha loving it. tmr im going vintage shopping with jean and huishan. ahhaha and basically just make fools outta ourselves and do stupid things tgt.. we are all so lame and unfunny that its funny! hahaha =) we basically have an odd sense of humour ahhahaha its hilarious. anw alright i shall go catch some slp now. ahahha. hopefully hiding under the thick blanket will make me hahah =)

OH MY GOSH! so exciting!!! im leaving for my kelong trip in 5 hours!!! and i still haven't slept. ugh.. just finished packing!! because i came home late. was out with my darls cindy and lala. i really really really didnt realise how much i miss those two.. like seriously! in cjc we were one little clique however we lost contact after the As.. i rmb plenty of good times with them of course.. and i always used to wonder how we cld stand meeting up with each other everyday and just talking crap! today i realise why. haha! we can just talk and talk about anything and everything.. its amazing. they are truly wonderful company and i really really miss them alot! there was not a time today that i wasn't smiling or laughing or thoroughly enjoying myself. that to me is good friendship! haha. to be with people who's company you really enjoy.. every single minute and second. i will certainly meet up with them more and cherish them more! HOW COULD I EVER HAVE LET THEM SLIP OUT OF MY LIVES FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS! haha.. cindy lala and i have become PLAYMATES. haha due to our close home proximity!! (welcome back to the north juaner!) hahaha. which means we will (not go to the playground but..) meet up for suppers.. movie marathons... annoy each other... and whatever!!!! ahaha. really excited and looking forward to all that!!! it makes me realise how even tho u haven't met up with someone for so long the friendship will always still be the same.. just a little outdated. haha. =) i felt like we were nv apart!! as if jc was just yesterday..!! haha. today lala and i were shopping (mainly vintage shopping) and we both bought one thing each.. her a nice dress.. and me a nice vintage 'half penny' charm.. its supposed to bring you good luck =) and how coincidental!!!!! i was reading a book which mentioned it ytd and HOLY SHIT! I CHANCED UPON IT TODAY!!!!! wow! i bought it immediately even tho it cost me $24.90. HAHAHA. it was a must have to me. love!!! =) lala and i have great plans to go vintage shopping etc. haha! of course that we have to wait till we have money in our pockets. ahah! so exciting! i really can't wait! =)

LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOOO MUCHHHH!!! we have to meet up more!!!!! (:
i haven't felt so happy in ages!

amazing amazing amazing. the whole holidays i've been slacking and working and slacking and working. the most amazing part is that the work just fall onto my lap. i don't go looking for a job... but the offers just keep coming. why is that? i guess its true.. when you're not looking for sth.. it just comes right up to ur face. when you are.. it just disappears from view. hahaha. but im glad for it. need to save up money for my melb trip!! hahaha (: can't wait! travelling alone all the way to melbourne for a WHOLE MONTH! how exciting is that. but yet there's alot of opportunity costs that come with the trip which kinda saddens me as well.. because i dont really know what im giving up and the true costs of it. for instance going on the trip means i can't accept the SDE research project which pays $8.75 an hour, i can't do any internship (which is really impt), i can't accept long term jobs (who's looking anw), i can't go for arts camp, i can't go for union camp, i can't meet up with yuying(i havent seen or spoken to her since she left), i have lesser time to meet up with ping and many others who may not be as free or around when im back.. basically alot of pros and cons. but oh well. the choice has been made. the most worrying thing i guess is yuying and the internships. hahaa. if i dont get a job inta future cz i missed this internship opportunity i guess i will just stab myself a hundred times over. anw i'm still looking forward to WINTER in melbourne (some what) where i can hopefully go skiing and stuff (: its going to be soooooooo fun! i know it! ahhaha. but pathetic ol me have only earned about $400 so far. so sian. but nvm i got another job starting monday (thanks to pam) and hopefully its not a bitchy tiring calling job.. i hope its like the callling i did in uob. that wld be fantastic. haha. i just spent many long hours doing up my resume. i must admit it looks pretty good now.. =) its pretty hardwork.. categorizing.. coloring the words.. not as easy as i thought. now all i need is a good neat picture of me in office wear. ahahha! i really can't imagine. which is why im so keen on going into the advertising arena of work. you don't even have to dress in office wear.. and hopefully if im on the creative side.. i get to come up with advertisement ideas and stuff. that would be so cool. at least i've sort of narrowed down my career scope from 'i really dont know' to 'maybe' haha. anw i think since the past two sems. i really really have learnt so much.. and you start to feel yourself maturing.. both physically and mentally.. its like a whole part of you is just growing up and theres nothing you can do to stop it. i still reminisce about the good ol secondary school days.. but i know theres so much more i got to do now. for now i'm just so glad i have gotten to know two wonderful supervisors from citibank and kelly services.. and hopefully from terrapinn (the lady seems quite nice and friendly via sms) haha. we'll see how work goes on monday (: so many things to look forward to.. why am i still looking back?


i really dont know why i still hate you.. but i still do. i really do. i've no desire to see hear or even think of you. i've nv felt such strong detestment for someone before. it scares and surprises me each time.

oh my.. i just spent another 4 hours trying out all sorts of widgets and 'renovating' my blog some more.. spent most of the time exploring all the different gadgets actually. ahahha! now im a tech savvyy chick for sure! yayyyy! i nv knew u cld do so much more with your blog and its just soooooooo fascinating! (: one basic thing i aint that good at yet tho is changing the stupid width and margins shit. just can't get it right!! (shiping or yunx need your help) hahha. but yeah the pictures above this post is downloaded images from various places online.. i thought they were really cool!! (well.. except the burger.. i just wanted to eat that. haha) the sights and scenaries and all were soooooo amazing. i envy the western culture alot sometimes.. their festivals open mindedness creativity fun designs infrastructures just everything. of course i still love singapore and want to live here. i guess the grass is always greener on the other side. but heyy.. check out the pics for yourself and tell me those pics ain't cool and fascinating!! (: bloody hell.. its 8am now.. and i still ain't asleep. asking for it. everytime explore sth im interested in or get hooked on sth (no matter how great or dumb it may be) i just cannot stop and i dont even realise the time that is flying back oh so quickly. and the next thing i know its morning. if my parents knew i was still awake i think they'd kill me. ahaha. by kill i mean nag me to death or sth. i deserve it i know.. but its early inta morn and im tired and i really don't want to be nagged at. so i just got to not get caught. ahahhaa. which is why im contemplating if i shd even go and pee (i wld have to get out of my room to go to the bathroom which might risk them seeing me) HAHAH. okayy.. i am not putting that much thought into the whole peeing debate.. think im just going crazy right now. hahaa. i shall go rest my overworked mind now (:

YAYYYYY!!! finally decided to get rid of my old blog and do up a new one =) added tons of pics and lots of new stuff!! like the youtube highlights, news highlights, picasa, pictures, links, lists etc. basically i changed everything except the tagboard =) finally getting more tech savvy!!! haahhaa.. its already 6.19am and i am still awake doing up this blog when i have a job interview in a few hrs. rocks. haha. spent a grand total of 4 hours doing up everything! and i am far from finish! have yet to upload all the old pictures and categorize them and then add the links to both blogs (mine and our combined) looks like ill be stuck in fronta the comp for quite a while more.. haha. going to become a comp geek in no time. what i really wanted to do was go to the library and borrow a few good books to read. but oh well. i think ill wind up working till next wk. somehow i was initially excited abt the job.. but now i dont really want it. altho it will provide me with additional spending money to splurge in melbourne.. or at least to give my family as a token of appreciation. ayyyyy.. my body clock is so screwed up. well at least this time there's no exams to worry about. =) kayy its getting real late.. more updates next time then. wonder when ill ever get in my composey mood again. haha.


free tic(s) to shrek 3 and pirates coming up! who wants em? (:

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! exams are finally over!!! =) now i can sit back relax... and enjoy =) dont intend to find work yet.. ahah except maybe the stupid internship thing ahhaha!! so exciting! its gd to be home! even tho i nearly died trying to move all my stuff back.. ugh! ahhaha im inta process of re-decorating and re-shaping and clearing and packing my room (at home tt is) ahahha. okay i lied.. i just started 10min ago.. and alr i decided to go online and watch some south park! hahahaha i found a new website that has all the sp videos check it out!

http://www.allabout-sp.net/

ahhaah its cool =) yay! wow i've been mia-ing for sooooooo damn long!!! got so many things to do and so little time! ahhaha just got to do up my rm first. hahahaha here's the list of stuff to do in random order

1) pack my room
2) re-do up my itunes (stupid me deleted my old itunes.. thk god i dint lose all e songs)
3) watch south park, whos line is it anyway, that 70s show (hee hee)
4) swimming/tanning
5) sports (any sports... pls jio me!)
6) movie marathon
7) mahjong
8) settle my internship
9) settle the melbourne trip (i intend to go for a month)
10) clear up my house and throw/give away all the old stuff
11) set up a blog online to sell my stuff (i said tt long ago but just too lazy)
12) dye my hair ( not sure when or if i shd do it or let my old brown hair grow out fully)
13) learn driving w del (FINALLY.....)

oh ! ps : i cut my hair! its super short! just can tie kind. ahah no more loooooonnnnggggg hair for me.. i must admit its qt a pity since my hair was soooooooo damn bloody long.. i guess i just cant suit the long mature look :/

"Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. "

~Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

King Toodles


Long a time,
When I was little
My Dad used to tell me about King Toodles
He lived in a tree house just down on yonder
And smelt like an arse that was lit with fire.

I often went in search for this King
Who never seemed to grace me or heed me
Still I overturned the smallest of pebbles
And combed the forest before the sun mellowed
I shouted his name and offered my services
But still that stubborn old fool chose to stay hidden
And remain forevermore a complete mystery.

I always went back to my dad empty handed
With a sulky tear-stained face not so well hidden
It was only when my Mother died and Dad stopped caring
That I finally gave up trying.

Even after his death
I still hear his stories
One way or the other
I guess it’s because I long so much to be once again a part of his memory
That I hopped on my old rusty red bike
And took off in search of an answer

I peddled down that old muddy bank
On roads that run so soft and green
Alongside the many lakes of memories
That only my eyes retrieved.

I quickened my pace on long-forgotten tyres
And challenged time in the surroundings of nature
‘Old wheels keep on turning’ my dad once said
Just like the hands of time they turn
But it is alas these winds of change
Especially one - that he so longed to burn.

This bike is old of course I know
It is after all slightly younger than me
It squeaks in protest against my desires
And anchors me down with all its material ‘dysires’

Like a leaf caught in a summer breeze
I head on down unknowingly
Along paths I took many times before
To places I knew lived forevermore

O Sir King Toodles
Oh where could you be?
Please tell my Father
I long to see him
This trip down memory lane is not working for me
I am as lost in this forest
As you’ve always wished me to be

I talk to myself for a good three hours
Before I realized I used up all my powers.
I embodied myself in a grain of time
Where my Dad used to be
He sat on his throne in his castle
And I hero-worshipped him
King of the household I used to say
And Mother would agree
He ruled as justly as he loved unquestioningly
As my Mother and I to him

It was then I realized how stupid I was
To search so hard for something I never lost.
I searched for a King who lived in a forest
Whilst the one King I should have been looking for
Is with me no longer.




Jessica
08:23
2 April 2007

you.

we were once so close
despite all the let downs and times of abandonment
when someone new came along
i stuck by you
in hopes that our friendship
means more to you with each time that passes.
i was wrong.
i believed that our friendship can hold thru anything
and that it was worth almost everything
i was wrong.
you always threw me away
whenever someone else came along.
you always took me for granted.
you almost always had your way.
and i - like a stupid fool
would be waiting stupidly at one corner
waiting for you to pick me up once again.

this time though our friendship took a turn for the worst
though it seemed that our friendship had finally come to an end.
it revived. momentarily.
we called it a truce
forgave and forgot
we talked almost normal
and talked about a return to the past
a past where our friendship stood strong.
give or take?
with renewed hopes,
i gave you everything i had once again.
i went all the way on my part
in hopes that our friendship could be rekindled.
in hopes that you'd pick me up again.

you gave me your promise.
you said you'd come back
that you'll pass on by and re-create whats lost for oh so long
i waited and waited
like a stupid naive fool i waited.
i waited for you to come.
told myself all you needed was time.
i offered to help u come get me.
i offered all i could.
i waited and waited.
but still you never came.

i always took the initiative.
i always took the first step for fear that you already had forgotten me.
for so long it has always been
'i always' and 'you never'
you hurt me.
the past month you hurt me the worst.
yet my hopes were lifted so high
at the prospect of us being good friends again.
and with this intermediarary moment of bliss
came shattering sadness.
as once again.
once again you failed to keep your side of the bargain
once again you threw me aside
once again you showed me what it takes to be a lousy friend.

i've waited and waited.
i think i've waited too long and too hard.
all those years of friendship we had.
all the trust, faith and laughs we shared.
im throwing it all away.
im throwing everything you threw away.
i recently told a few others with great sadness and realization
'i give up'
'i give up on this friendship'
'i give up on us'
'i refuse to try anymore'
i refuse to be on the blind waiting end
when i know that you will never change
that once again i'm wasting my time
waiting for a friendship that had once worked
that will never work again.

i went 99% of the way.
all you had to do was take that one step
you didnt.
i went all out.
i forgave forget.
put my pride aside
went down on my knees
you didnt.

i'm not angry.
i'm just sad.
i don't hate you
i'm just so disappointed in you.
14 yrs of friendship down the drain
just like that.
what's the point if you came back now?
no point.
you missed your golden opportunity
you've made me wait far too long
you've left me hanging on a thread
you've left our friendship for good so long ago.
funny ain't it
how i've only just realized.

i did you didn't
i always you never
i remember you forget
i hope you neglect
i cared you didnt.

has it come to this my friend?
i think so.
i really think so
this time we've come to an end - for good.
goodbye my friend for many long years.
i hope you look back because i won't
i hope you never have to feel the pain i feel
i wish you the best in life
because that's what i've always hoped for you.

okay since im done tv-ing my whole weekend away.. i shall blog abt my current dilemmas. i was just telling SER that i really dk what i want to do in life.. what career i want to take on.. etc... i dont seem to have the passion for anything.. unless u consider slacking one.. which sucks. also.. i cant even decide on whether i shd cut my hair or not.. okay a few qns's regarding this

1) shd i cut my fringe shorter? (still side parting sloping down of course)
2) should i cut my hair such that i am just able to tie or leave it long? (which do i look better with guys? help me out!)
3) shd i just shave my head bald... (this is actually not an option.. ahha)

AHHHHHHH! the mahjong outing totally screwed up my body clock and its 4.30am and i still aint sleepy. been waking up at 7pm the past few days and sleeping at 7am.. how terrible is that.. time to adjust adjust! if not ill be looking like a piece of crap and feeling it too :/ lethargic lethargic is what i feel... ughhhhhh